Will it Get Easier?

I will preface this post by saying that I know I am but one of millions of mothers who work and who struggle to come to grips with being away from their babies.  I am no different than anyone else.  I believe being in the care of others and being around other kids is good for children and would, even if I was a stay at home mom, send Jake to mother's morning out, on occasion, etc... 

Now, on to the bitchin' and moanin'...
There's a difference in the occasional choice to take a break for yourself and to socialize your child and spending 8 and 9 hours 5 days a week apart from our babies, as so many of us do.
My maternity leave was 9 weeks long.  A little long by most American standards, but much, much shorter in comparison to what women in some other countries around the world are granted (this is neither here nor there, I just thought I'd mention it).
I did not handle the transition well (see post from the first day).  It's gotten a little easier because I know Jake is so well taken care of and he really loves Ms. Bea, but I still have not been able to completely cope with someone else being with my child more than I am.  Until yesterday, I was, at least, able to keep myself in check.  Yesterday, I returned to work in the office and am no longer working at home.  (This may be reevaluated at the end of the month and we may be sent back home, but I am not getting my hopes up.)  Yeah, yeah.  I know I sound spoiled.  Poor little thing...doesn't get to work from home anymore.  wah wah wah.  Well, it isn't the not working from home part that has me in a tizzy.  It's the additional time lost with Jake.  Before, I was able to spend an hour or two completely concentrating on him each morning before he left, and then would take care of myself afterwards.  And I was able to go get him at 4pm, giving me 3 hours with him before he goes to bed at 7.  Now, I am busy getting myself ready in the mornings as well as him and I don't get home until 5:30, leaving me with only an hour and a half to spend with him.  I miss him so much I can't stand it.  Sometimes I feel like a dairy cow who just sends milk to be fed and not much more.  I know it's not true, and I know I'm his only mama and I do a lot more than that, but it feels that way at times.  As I said, I know I'm not alone and I know it is extremely difficult for every mom.   I have cried since Monday night about this new schedule and I really hope it gets easier soon.  I don't see how we mothers can get used to it though; accept that another woman spends more time with our babies than we are able to.  It's not natural.
As much as I trust Ms. Bea and know that Jake's in good hands with her, I will say that I resent the hell out of her.  And she's just doing her job!  I resent that she feeds him 3 of his 5 bottles a day, and that she gets him during his wakeful, playful times, and that she gets to see his sweet face all day long and, and, and.  She does such a great job.  I trust her and she really loves Jake, so that's no concern.   Obviously, the most important thing is that Jake is well taken care of, but, as his mother, I believe I could do it better and I want to be there every second.  Selfish attitude, perhaps, but I can't help it.  I'm not perfect.  I'm not good at accepting things I don't like, even if I know, as is the case here, that there's nothing that can be done to fix them.  I'm not good at concealing my feelings, I tend to be a tad on the 'heated' side sometimes, and it makes me feel better to just get it all out.  (It's my blog, so I can do that! haha!) 
Also, if, one day, I am able to stay at home with Jake and future children, I want to be able to look back at this and remind myself of how terrible this feels on those stressful days that all stay at home moms know all too well, I'm sure.

I know, before too long, I'll be used to our new normal, and everything will be a little easier.  I hope so.
that was a big long babble of a post.  it's been a rough couple of days.