It Sho Ain't Sleep!

I hit a brick wall at the beginning of this week.  Nothing major happened, but 6 months of shitty sleep (excuse me, but it's true) caught up with me.  I know I am way luckier than some, as Jake is a great sleeper, but, as any mother knows, the days seem to have no beginning or end, sometimes.  Whether baby is asleep or awake, there is always a bottle (or 6) to wash, pumping to do (and parts to wash), a pile of laundry so high you could swim in it to start, and on and on the list goes.  And when the baby is sick, the demands seem to triple because they just want (and need) to be held non stop.  When we are "sleeping", we do it with one eye open and ears at the ready.

The brick wall?    "Oh, Jack! You're home!"    Words spoken to my Jake by Ms. Bea when I dropped him off Tuesday morning.  He hadn't been in over a week because he'd been sick.
I cried a few times that day despite deep down knowing that she meant nothing by it other than that she'd missed him and that she was happy to see him.  And he was happy to see her, too, for which I am thankful.  I still don't think home was the best word to say, but a less sleep deprived me would not have spent the rest of the day having day dreams nightmares about the babysitter taking off across the Mexican border with my sweet little gringo baby.  I'm not kidding. I couldn't shake that very thought all day long.  I told you I was sleep deprived.
I did drop a few loud "Let's go HOME", "You ready to go to YOUR house, Jake Jake?" comments when I picked him up that afternoon.  I couldn't help it.  I'll grow up one day.

God has given me a 99th wind and my husband has lent some extra support this week and I'm feeling much better.

Can we can all agree that there should be a different word to describe what it is that mamas do between the time our heads hit the pillow at night, eyes already closed, and the time we rise out of bed the next morning?  'Cause it SHO ain't sleep!