Jake

I have had a few private moments of tears lately thinking about how our time with Jake as an only child is coming to an end. I know this is part of life and it was obviously our choice, but it's definitely a little bitter sweet. I crawled in bed with him last night just to cuddle with him while he slept and I couldn't stop the memories of him over the past 3 1/2 years from flooding my mind. Before I knew it, my pillow was soaked and I just couldn't control it. I slept in there all night.

I cannot believe that it was over 3 years ago when I would watch him sleep all night just to make sure he was breathing. Or that nappy patch of hair that grew on the back of his head at a few months old. Or that he was so chunky that I could have just gnawed his leg off. 

Most of all, I'm in awe of my little boy who is growing at lightning speed. He is smart, funny, kind, and silly. He is just so wide-eyed and good natured and I hope he always hangs onto that even when he's grown and the world has seeped in a bit. 

I worry sometimes, as I think most almost-mothers-of-two do, that I won't be able to love Hamp as much as I love Jake. I know I will because one just does, but mostly I know I will because Jake blew my heart wide open the second he was born. He has made it big enough to love him and his brother "bigger than the whole wide world". He made me a mother and, though I know I'll never have a favorite, Jake will always be the one who changed me as only a mother can be changed.

I've been trying to savor this special time with Jake as much as my big body will allow. :). Sunday, I packed a lunch and he and I walked down to the park for a picnic.  He was over the moon excited about it and so was I.